Re-launch and What Might Have Been

 

I have been working on a new program of work production and study. The inspiration for this program is the idea that if I had not not pursued my current career instead I might have continued on to do first a Masters degree in English literature and then an MLA in creative writing with the purpose of becoming a professional writer of some sort. To be accurate, at the time, I was more likely to be intent on continuing to pursue a PhD in literature with the purpose of becoming a professor, but hindsight suggests that the heavy emphasis of theory in academia at that time would have made that choice undesirable. I am not going to go into the problem of taking account of hindsight. Instead, I am going back imaginatively to decide what I might have done and then taking that alternate course and bringing it into the present. In other words, if I would have been happier professionally if I had done this thing back then, what can I do now to pursue a similar course?

 I came up with a do-it-yourself kind of plan for the equivalent of a Masters degree in literature with a focus on the topic of situating Shakespeare in the context of the history of ideas, and then also a do-it-yourself MFA, involving studying instructions on writing and of course doing a lot of writing, both on a work in progress and on writing exercises. I want to pursue this plan approximated to the semester schedule, where I identify and set out courses that I intend to pursue during the time frame of a semester with the idea that I can do three semesters in a year for a total of seven or eight semesters or in other words about 2 ½ years total to complete this program that I am developing.

There are two concerns. First, why do this? Why not just work on my writing by writing and read as I feel it is helpful to do so? The answer is pretty straightforward which is that I lack discipline. I end up reading things that are scattered. One of the chief motivations for developing this program was looking back at my reading over the past several years and seeing that there is no pattern to what I’ve been reading. My reading has not been building to anything. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but, and yet, there is an opportunity to build and work towards a goal. I feel like pursuing this program will help me to develop a greater depth of knowledge and ability that I otherwise would never be able to reach.

The second concern is how am I going to stick with this? I’m trying to help myself in that regard by setting short-term goals. But I have several obstacles. One is that there is no professor to whom I am submitting work by a deadline, so it would be easy to let deadlines pass. There is no report card being prepared, so there is no risk from failing to carry it out. I could tell people about this and in that way make myself more accountable, but honestly I am reluctant to do that. I don't who I would tell. 

What are some realistic ways to keep myself more accountable? To provide motivation to carry out this program?

Taking time to plan the program before starting it would help. That planning would make this more significant, and also it provides an opportunity to make the process more realistic.

I can give myself rewards for meeting goals. Celebrate goals reached along the way.

I can carefully document what I am doing. Keeping a complete record or journal of every step is likely to keep me more engaged in the process. That is why I am here. It took me a while to even find this blog and regain access to it, but I felt a rush of excitement when I got back in. A good sign. I am going to use the blog as blogs were originally intended, not heavily edited posts but in the moment journal entries that exists for the purpose of making a record of my journey and keeping me engaged.

Here's to starting over!